OK, so sometimes when i crave food, i just look it up on wikipedia, so i was doing just that, all the most fattening foods i could think off, fried ice cream, burgers, all that grose stuff which your mouth wants and your brain doesnt, i stumbled across french toast and out of no where i got so determined i was going to make it, toped with maple syrup, butter, melted chocoalte EVERYTHINGm i went down stairs to the kitchen then i had this little moment with myself *which i never have before binges* and i put on my favourite song at the moment which kinda goes with the picture i have in my mind of me being super skinny, beautiful and captivating, and now i'm writing this with an empty stomach and a glass of water in my hand, i'm proud of myself and i know i can get through this for the next week. :)

if i can do it, and im the biggest binger of them all, then so can you! i promise, just believe in yourself.

and because i'm super lame my song is "sunrise by simply red" hahahaha.

think thin ladies

xxxxxx

I'm happy, and thats the way it's going to stay

my school work is completely out of hand at the moment, im not doing anything but bludging and avoiding it, so i need to take control of that but other than that my birthday day is 90 days away and if i do the cucumber diet till then i should be 10kgs above my goal weight by my birthday so im pretty damn pleased.

Bring on life, i feel so at peace even though my life is so chaotic right now and i cant grasp anything.

Just thinking, living, learning...

think thin,
xx

relient k- be my escape

:)

Start the Cucumber diet tomorrow:
cw: 109
gw1: 85

Day 1: Cucumber, 2L+ water, 2 hours exercise
Day 2: Cucumber, 2L+ water, 2 hours exercise
Day 3: Fast, 45 Minute walk.
Day 4: Cucumber, 2L+ water, boiled egg, no exercise

March 27th- April 20th

April 20- April 27th: FASTING.

April 28- May 1st: Salad only, 3L water, 8+ sleep

May 2nd-3rd: FAST

May 4th: Protein only- boiled egg, spinach, goji berries etc.



This is the dress i'll be wearing- obviously, im not pregnant so it will look a little different.
Beautiful huh?

these are girls i grew up with, feel like eating?

Didn't think so.

" I wanna thank everyone who has ever said "no" to me. I wanna thank everyone who has ever said "you can't", And I wanna thank everyone who said "you won't", Because guess what? I can. I will. And watch me..."

I start my 25 day fast tomorrow:
25th-19th

Starting Weight: 109kgs (GOD, i just wait to kick its ass.)
GW1-APRIL 19TH:90kgs (Thats 25 days of fasting- i figure i can lose 16-19kgs because most of my weight will come off first because thats usually what happens to overweight people)

FROM 20-31ST I EXERCISE 2+ DAILY!

20thth April: A 200 cals fruit smoothie- banana, honey, soy milk,
21st April: 200 cal yogurt, dinner: puree vegies.
22nd April: Scrambled eggs (200) cals, dinner: puree vegies (150)
23rd April: Scrambled eggs (200 cals), dinner: salad
24th April: Scrambled eggs (200 cals), lunch :cucmber and homus (70 cals), dinner: small steak (200)
25th: 200 cal yogurt
26th: 200 cal yogurt, scrambled eggs (200 cals), cucumber and homus (70 cals)
27th: Cucumber *as much as i like* with cream cheese,homus,tuna dip etc
28th:Cucumber
29th: Cucumber
30th:Cucumber
31st: Cucumber

1-4th May (I will be being watched alot, IF my parents havent noticed ALREADY)

No CARBS

1st: UNDER 500 CALS
2nd: Under 300 cals
3rd: FAST
4th: fruit juice only

GW: 80KGS.

So tomorrow i start ABC, im so excited, finally i can kiss my fat ass goodbye...
and finally i know all the reasons why i'm so determined to do this once and for all;

I'm sick of being walked all over, i'm sick of people pretending to be your bestfriends and saying they'll always be there for you and the second you need them they're gone. I'm sick of being second best. I'm sick of being looked down upon. I'm sick of being stood up. I'm sick of hearing my size 0 friends talk about how "fat" they are. I'm sick of people worrying about them- they'll be ok..and so will i, we'll be better than ok, we will show every single person whose ever bitched about you, give you "the look", taken that boy away from you, bought the dress that you wanted and looked BETTER in it.. we can do this, and we will. We can show them.

On the outside my life looks perfect, people tell me they wish they were me. I wish they knew what my life was really like..

I'm a carefree happy beachside girl who knows that her goals and her dreams are bigger than anything else and i will do anything to get them.

So i'm leaving all this crap behind, how ironic it is how i'm always there for my bestfriends and right now i know that i'm the only person who i can rely on..

In the last 3 days i've:
-Had my new group of friends get with my ex boyfriend/bestfriend (who is now barely talking to me cause he's "too cool"
- I accidentally hooked up with MY bestfriends ex, he then led me on and treated me like crap
- Been stood up by my other best friend who i have seen once in 4 months because he's been touring, after i call him, 2-3 times a day to check in, make sure he's ok. I pick up the pieces and he cant be bothered to come see me?
-Went to a party with my old "clique" had a fun time- then as the alcohol flowed they all confessed the were bulimic and loved it and told me i should do it too- if only they knew how my life has been for the last 3 years
-Had another close male friend say that i "never make time for him" when im the one who's ALWAYS emailing, texting, he makes NO effort.
-I'm REALLY behind in my school work

So I'm doing this! and i'm going to be the most beautiful damn person you've ever seen. i'm leaving this behind. I don't need them.


Day 1 starts tomorrow. Please girls, wish me luck.


xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hello lovelies!

this week has been terrible.
I have been ready to fast for about 5 days.. only everytime im doing really well i either have to go and do a press lunchen for my show or to a snobby 4 course dinner, brucnh, you name it, people watching everything i put in my mouth, worst of all, with the same people! I think most of the cast are catching on so i eat something to make them happy..

I am startiong a 7 day fast tomorrow if anyone would like to join me. im aiming to lose 7kg

Fasting and 3 hour exercise.

any takers?
lots of love

Brielle sienna

It's just after 7am in sunny Cronulla..(i say "sunny cronulla" and yet its overcast looking like its going ot rain)

I got a phone call late last night- it woke me up but i didn't answer. It as it was a private number and those type of calls are always a little sketchy, mainly because it could be a vast number of people you dont want to talk to at some ungodly hour; a drunken 'i love you' phone call or a lonely friend who wants a d&m or a prank call from a bitch you went to school with.. either way, i wasn't answering the call.

But.. they did leave a message, Which i woke up at 7am anxious to listen to.(I dont know about you but i can't handle not reading sms's or listening to voicemails that are on my phone- no matter what time recieved, e.g. if a message comes through @ 3am i will subconciously wake myself up just to read it-lame-maybe, sad-most definatly.
Anyway..
It was a boy.. a boy who i usd to have feelings for, not a boyfriend, more a bestfriend.We'll call him James. You see i only met him this year after he temporarily moved down from queensland and at first i couldn't stand him, we became closer and closer and slowly every girl around him started to fall in love with him.. except me.. and the desire of his heart,Ellie a little blonde ballerina, but she's not important in this story (she didn't fall for him,he fell for her, she fell for a boy i've always secretly been in love with, now james is heartbroken and i am over boys!). We were like brother and sister.. but we had something a little more special about our relationship. I knew i had one up on all those other girls because he was comfortable with me, he'd tell me about his family, his feelings, his dreams, his fears, we got drunk together (we ended up drunk kissing, but it wasnt exactly romantic and didnt count for much) i loved him as a mate, i thought he was great..
Then he got a recording contract (he was an avid muso- guitar,drums,bass,piano and.. cello hahah long story) and went touring through europe.. there was this girl though, lets call her helena.. alot like me, in the way that she was another close friend of James (arguably, i was his bestfriend) but she was doing the whole 'im you're sister, im you're bestfriend' spiel to disguise her love for him (she too had a drunken kiss with him 'that' night... except theres went on for hours.. ours was more or less a peck with no tongue. She then claimed she was in love with him and they 'had something'- He claimed he didnt like her and felt bad for leading her on, however, she still stands by the fact they 'had something'. Dumb Bitch.)

The day before he left for europe, we all went out to dinner, James, Myself, Helena and two other girls who were in love with him also- one a hippie, one an alcoholic. The night was great (half the girls forgot there money and i ended up paying for a $200 dinner, james neglected me all night, he was really being egotistical and rude) and then it came to say goodbyes, everyone had left except for myself and helena (i was staying at her house.. yes, out of choice) James' car pulled up, he hugged Helena and went to hug me and his eyes started to water and hugged me that little tighter, little longer than he did to anyone else, and with that he was gone..

We kept in touch over email each one eneded with "miss you so much brielle, love you heaps" etc etc.
He finally came home after 2 months- he called me, he was going to be in sydney in 2 weeks and wanted to go for dinner and was also coming to my formal (aka prom for all you Americans) 2 weeks passed and he arrived on a Saturday.. only i didnt see him. He saw the alcoholic friend first, then a few others.. By tuesday he was calling saying how we should meet up for lunch, i declined-treat em mean keep em keen- he suggested dinner, i thought it would be a great thing, so i said yes..the next phone call we had he asked if i could invite helena because he didnt want to call her... i said sure..We spoke a few more times over phone and on wednesday he showed up at the annual showcase our performing arts school put on, and it was nice sitting with him- and he looked better than ever but By friday it had hit me.

How can he come back after 3 odd months and expect me to organise a dinner- in his honour after he couldnt even be bothered to see me when he first came back.. but i let it slide thinking i was overrecting..which i probably was, but still, think about how it would make you feel.

The sunday was our formal, he was there.. we were sitting opposite each other on a big round table that seats 10- everyone was excited to see that he was finally back in the country- especially his gaggle of girls who were gaga over his alter ego the 'gorgeous drummer'...Especially Helena, she waltzed in and took the seat next to James- only there was someone in it.. she made them move, and with that he was buying her glasses of red wine, flirting non stop- normal behaviour for someone who doesnt want to speak to some one.. not.

They were inseperable all night and it really got me angry, i danced my ass off and i partied with the friends who really mattered, i got told i looked gorgeous and everyone at my table was asking me about my modelling and that made me feel good and what made me feel the best after a night of sheer dickheaded-ness, when i saw James and Helena on the balcony, looking out at sydney Harbour, sipping wine and the satisfaction i got from saying 'I'll see you soon, Guys'- Knowing full well i may never see James again and walking away, only for him to stop me- 'Brielle, you might not see me for a while..', 'Oh yeah! i forgot, well, all the best, good night' and then i continued to strut away with boys kissing me good night, down the stairs and in the car with my mum (who happens to be the best lady in the world) and that was the last i thought of him after he had hurt me and used me so much, it felt good to finally shut the door on him.

Later that week i found out Helena and James had spent the night together and went to breakfast the next day when Helena and i were meant to be rehersing for a show.
I cared, i was hurt, angry and determined...then i forgot about it, forgot about him, forgot about her.. my life is was good. I knew i was better than to be treated like that. I didn't need to chase him round and do everything he asked, i wasn't going to have my heartbroken and i definatly wasn't going to turn into one of those gaga girls. I was me and i love my life. I dont change for anyone and i deserve the best (like every other woman out there) He was just a thought..



And now he's calling me at midnight 4 weeks later after i left him in the dark..
Maybe something bad has happened? Maybe it's taken him this long to realise i have no time for him, maybe he found out Ellie (remember her?) has a boyfriend and needs someone to mend his broken heart,maybe it was just a call of christmas cheer..

either way, i didn't answer the call..

what do i do?